Well, I guess I’d have to begin by saying the online world is divided into two groups: women who message men and women who don’t. Which one are you in?
Except for two ( TWO! )…oh no, THREE! instances, I am firmly planted in the second. Sigh. At the very beginning, I was waaayyyy too vulnerable to put myself out there. I am, by nature, a shy person though I do have to reiterate this to EVERY PERSON I MEET and no one really believes me but I have a hard time being natural and open with new people, male or female, and this definitely includes initiating contact online - even now.
And the three I wrote? Well, apparently I did them all wrong. Oc. Gah! I was not flirty, fun or challenging, dammit! Am I that in person? Hello! Totally can be! Can I write? I’d like to think so. Can I be that in writing first to a boy? APPARENTLY NOT. Fm.
I’m also very sensitive to rejection…HA HA HA...As if this is an abnormal reaction to life and everyone else is completely inured to it. I know, I know, fucking LAME. But still super true. I’m already on the edge of my comfort zone just dating period and though I’m constantly trying to stretch those boundaries and I HAVE, the messaging men thing would have me obsessing about who I wrote and what I wrote and why isn’t he replying? And yeah, like I need to be overthinking one. more. thing. in my life. I THINK NOT.
With that said, do I wish I had the balls and the casual “why not?” attitude that would best suit anyone messaging anyone else? Hella yes. Do I totally admire women who can do that and potentially meet the men that they’re attracted to instead of being passive Polly like me and waiting for Mr. Gorgeous to find me? HELLA YES. I think it’s both a matter of your personality and also the ability to take rejection literally like a man. I have neither!
Now, here’s where I go out on a limb and say to you and MYSELF: “Hey, maybe it wouldn’t be the end of the world to try finding and messaging a clump of cute boys allatonce” just like Mr. Dating Advice Guy suggests ( note: finding just one cute guy with a great profile let alone a clump of them is a whole other issue, fyi )
Maybe we could then create/ become a third group of women who once couldn’t imagine messaging/ formerly didn’t message but are willing to try living life as their alternate Universe self. For me, that would be as a spontaneous, lighthearted, easy going carefree and completely “water off a duck’s back” kind of girl. Gad. #what
BUT. Guys online don’t know I’m not that, right? So they wouldn’t know YOU’RE not like that either. As we all know, being brave is not the absence of fear; it's being fearful and yet still doing it. AND you would double your chances of meeting Mr. Holy Smoking Cow…
Practise makes perfect and I think this would apply to both the written message and the feelings of the messenger. If you can message without freaking out every single time, I would encourage you to take this to heart then totally TOTALLY do as I say, not as I do and try both being pursued and pursuing or perhaps I should say “both seeing and being seen.”
I’m actually going to think about trying it myself after writing this. I know. I’m ridiculous. But now I may also be part of the “group #3 revolution”! And so I end this post with the hopeful pronouncement: the online dating world of women is divided into three groups…Ha!
What do you think? Please share. Are you in group one, two or three?
ps Many MANY months down the dating road, I'm Group 3 all the fucking way and I now message with impunity. Still rarely, due to lack of optimal candidates and with no SUCCESS but. Since my life is about me, I'm good with that. I've become that duck! Go, me. #killingitregardless