Well, there’s different levels of readiness obviously and if you’ve gotten to this, the “pre-first date list” stage, I’m going to suppose that you’ve actually joined a dating site and have been actively messaging withmen. SCORE!
But now you’re having to get off your computer and meet real live specimens which is the point and a GOOD THING - keep reminding yourself…breathe…breathe…
Believe you me, I know. The first few ( okay few dozen or so ) meetings took a LOT for me to get to let alone get through. Good thing I had SO MUCH PRACTISE in those first months. Lucky as a fucking four leaf clover, I was. Sigh. But practice does make one less barfy and more laissez faire as time goes on and this is a good good thing as well.
But before you get out there and get practicing, here’s a few helpful hints:
- Keep your expectations low. LOOOOOWWW, girlies. Hopes can be high…er but if you go in only expecting to meet a new person with a different chromosomal set than you, it will be a win-win when you both just show up. IF you go in looking for the man of your dreams so you’ll NEVER HAVE TO GO ONLINE DATING AGAIN - different set of beliefs and desires - you may then experience such a severe case of lunch bag letdown, you won’t be able to face another meet. That’s NOT a good thing. Dial it down, girlies!
- Next: presume your date is going to look worse than the worse pic on his profile. No. Seriously. I’m not telling you this to be mean. I just really don’t want all you tender newbies out there to be shocked if/ when you do not recognize the man you’re supposed to be meeting. Then if you’re pleasantly surprised, it’ll be like winning the looks lottery. Whooo hooo! Oc, chemistry is so much more than just physical and at the same time, it’s a huge part of it as well. Remember: we may not be as visual as men but we’re also not fucking blind. Hello.
- Then prepare yourself mentally for this scenario: you arrive and you realize, within seconds, you’ve made an egregious error and you two will never have anything in common and this is before he opens his mouth. After that, it really goes downhill. What do you do? WHAT do you do?
- Breathe. Use your good manners. Have a drink/ a coffee/ a SHORT walk. Ask questions. Many of my less than stellar dates were all about them just talking and talking AND talking so that will kill an hour and a few hundred brain cells but. If it’s reallllly bad, recall childbirth and hopefully that will put this date into perspective. Keep breathing! After a decent amount of time, you can take your graceful leave, citing another appointment.
- Then you can segue into this next vital need to know: the “thank you but…” If he contacts you the next day, you can text or email; it’s kind and easy for both parties. If he asks you before you go, you will have to be able to say: “thank you for asking but I don’t think we’re really suited. I wish you the best of luck though. Good bye.” Or something equally neutral but clear. It sucks to have to do this and it super sucks to have to hear it but you’re doing no one any favours by chickening out and saying yes THEN emailing no. Be brave. Be honest because…
- Last thing to know: Your life is about you. Period. So however you act/ react, whatever you say or don’t say, it’s all about you and your life and your choices and who you are and want to be. Every encounter with a new man is an opportunity to be courageous in an awkward situation or courteous in a superbly dull one or kind when you really just want to smack him one - and that’s a whole other post. Go, me.
Here’s the real scoop, girlfriends: the guys may come and the guys may go but you ARE all you have and this journey will be the making of the post marital, newly single, kickass you if you embrace terror aka change and be kind to yourself and know know KNOW you can do this, one fucking first date at a time.
Fyi, this is a list preparing you for the worst but it may not BE bad. It may actually be good! Regardless, memorize these points then get out there and GO FOR IT!
Then share share share here @ date with Lucy because trust me: if it's good news, we all want to hear it and if it's not well, misery and company, girlies. I'm just saying.