Why I Say: Don't Call Me...Please

Well, I’m sure y’all are dying to find out what happened after BMX…all those first dates from Hell that I surely KNEW were going to be documented for entertainment otherwise why else are they still seared in my memory? Or is that just PTSD lite? Sorry, that just slipped out. Dramatic much?

Now, if you read link from my first date post, you’ll see we have the same idea about the phone: not necessary. Personally, the only people I talk to on the phone right now are Boo, my gf Half Pint and a random telemarketer or two. Fyi, I’m looking to cull the telemarketers and not replace them with anyone else that I don’t know. It’s just the way I roll though others may feel differently...

I think if you’ve met someone and started dating and they call you late at night to chat, that’s uber sweet and sexy and appropriate. Otherwise? Yeah no.

I’ve tried this method of pre-meet before. OC, I have. Sigh. While I was still raw like the medical illustration of a person with no skin – I’m talking like a week after it all blew up with BMX -  I responded to a message from a 36 year old and he wanted to chat on the phone. So I did.

It was awkward but not terminally so. We talked about different cleaning styles, his preference for older women yada yada yada. Not exactly “Fifty Shades of Grey”  but it wasn’t overwhelmingly reprehensible either and since I mistakenly thought just getting out there with anyone would be better than suffering at home alone, I agreed to a date a couple of days later. Lofty standards, I know but dude, I was a fucking MESS.

Well. Two days pass and no word from him. Now, I had just been ignored via phone and text AND been stood up by BMX so at this point I’m excruciatingly sensitive and so that was it. 36 tried to gloss over it a few days later and kept texting me but I just said: “ You know what? I don’t think it’s going to work out.” And that was that. I thought.

UNTIL a week later when I get a text as I’m getting ready for bed, saying: “Ummmm, I’ve got a strange woman in my bathroom and she’s not coming out. What should I do?” I SHIT YOU NOT. And I was like: “What?” Apparently, it was his neighbor and she’d been in there for 20+ min. and wasn’t responding to his knocks so I texted: “Tell her you’re going to call 911. If she doesn’t come out, CALL 911. Good BYE.” What I really wanted to say was: “What are we - girlfriends here?” Seriously.

After that, it wasn’t difficult to just say no to the “phone date”. I did have one lapse a few months down the road because the guy’s pic was very nice and I was very weak, as usual. Did it go any better? Well, half way through listening to him talk about himself ad nauseam, I noticed Bob, my cat, suddenly Susan had an ear the size of a tiny pillow and I had to rush him to the vet. He said: “Np, call me back” and when I did he didn’t pick up the fucking phone! Then he had the nerve to keep messaging me after that to reconnect. As if!

So now you understand why I am a “no phone zone”. I believe first dates should be done like band aids coming off: fucking fast and hopefully painless. It’s impossible to overvalue the physical cues that go with meeting and talking in person and isn’t that the whole purpose of connecting online? So you can meet a real somebody and hopefully go offline? You won’t get there any faster through the phone, I’m just saying.

Now, if you feel differently about calls, go for it, keeping these tips in mind.

 It doesn’t work for me but if it does for you, please do tell here @ date with Lucy. And if it went spectacularly badly, well that’s always fun to share as well #miseryandcompany