After the age of fifty, is it more or less important that any relationship you have is “serious”?
On the one hand, I'm in like the best position EVER to be dating: I don’t need to get married. I don’t need to have kids. I don’t need to live with anyone and I do not need anyone to take care of me financially. I also absolutely know being lonely and being alone is not the same fucking thing at all. Finally, my hormones would like me to be having a lot of sex allofthetime while my monogamous personality would prefer it be with just one guy. However, that would be one fucking lucky guy, I’m just saying.
On the other hand, can I squander the time on any guy or any relationship that isn’t potentially long term? What if I hit the six month mark with someone I genuinely enjoy but the L word is not even considered by either one of us? Am I actually wasting said time? And after fifty, do I HAVE that time to waste?
At first glance, it seems like such a no brainer. Of course I should hold out for a long term relationship. I deserve the guy who is head over heels for only me and would do anything and everything to please only me. He will be adoring and as good as gold because I am absolutely worth it. All that is absolutely true.
However, if I’m still holding out for the Holy Grail say two or three or five years from now, no worries. Go big or go home, right? I’ll almost be eligible for a Senior’s bus pass by then so bonus points!
Now, if you’ve followed my dating travails, you’ll already know that finding a guy I want to meet let alone date let alone sleep with who wants all of that with me has been a challenge. A. CHALLENGE. To go on a great first date! That’s fucking it! And it’s not like you show up and he’s there holding up a sign like at the airport: I AM THE ONE. MR. LONG TERM COMMITMENT. COME WITH ME. And even if he did, he’d never be the one you’d want to go with. Hello. Murphy’s Law of the Seventh Circle of Dating Hell.
So then the whole holding out for a hero thing which, believe me, is how I began on POF, changed over time. Expectations changed. I changed. Holy shit, did I change. I didn’t lower my standards so much as I broadened my outlook and opened up to other possibilities. I began to try to just enjoy the experience without a preset script or timetable. In other words, I threw out my “long term or no term” mindset and held onto my “chemistry and conversation” credo which holds true be it Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now.
It is true as well that I don’t have the time I used to; my expiry date is much more evident, let’s put it that way. If I hang out with someone just because I want to climb him like a tree every single fucking time I set eyes on him but can’t imagine ever living with him, it could be said I’m wasting time. However, I wouldn’t be the one saying it! I’d be too busy living in the moment and enjoying him and our connection, no matter the length.
Again, I just believe we meet who we’re supposed to meet and we’re with them for as long as our sacred contract lasts. Honestly. I am way more interested in my ability to be happy with who I AM; who I’m with is gravy for whatever term he holds in my life.
And if Mr. Right Now goes on for a while with no airport sign in sight? I’ll be too busy clambering to care. Believe me…no senior bus pass is needed for THAT, girlies.
Agree? Disagree? Can't decide? Please share here at Date with Lucy where we ( in the royal sense ) would really like to know: what would YOU do?