What It Means to Date in Your 50's

                 The autumn years...yeah yeah...Whatever, dude.

                 The autumn years...yeah yeah...Whatever, dude.

Note: this is actually when Date with Lucy/ I was the featured blogger on Pubslush.com this week. I thought I'd throw it up here because it was completely random yet very cool that they asked me to be on their writers' community site. Enjoy!

Date with Lucy is a chronicle, a guide and a journey of self-empowerment, all set within the sit com construct that is my love life. Ha! I share the exquisitely ridiculous details of my excursions with the opposite sex while doing out this advice on repeat: “Do as I SAY…”

 At 49 years old, I knew not one other person in the life boat weathering the tsunami of online dating. I was basically a teenager again, all drama and hormones; the men were aliens, all mixed signals and unanswered texts.

It was like the fucking emotional Hunger Games every time I went out.

But. Years, wine and Adele later, I finally realized my life is never about finding Mr.Right but always always about becoming my best self. #thatwasbreakingnews. That’s what I want my readers to know too: no matter where you go or who you’re with, there you are. Strive to be whole. 

When I’m not Lucy, I still drink wine. I also read and write like a big nerd, teach a serving course I created and I’m working on an app. I love my kid, my friends and my cats, hardcore. I’ve survived online dating. So far. #ftw

What inspired you to start your blog?

Actually, it was a book called The $100 Start Up. While I’d been dying to write out my own demons and epiphanies since the first guy I met did a hit and run on me, I wasn’t sure if it was a book or a script. Blogging never occurred to me until I read “choose a niche blah blah blah ONLINE DATING” and it was literally a Eureka moment. #boom

I also very much wanted to be a real yet humorous resource for women 40+ years old experiencing the freakiness of online dating for the first time. I wanted to create a community where we swapped horror stories and laughed our fucking asses off because pity parties, while sometimes absolutely necessary, get tiresome after a while, you know? Girls need girls to listen, commiserate, share. That’s how we’re made. That’s what Date with Lucy is for.

Share one of your awkward dating stories.

Oh, where to begin? Well, I’ll tell you about the most astonishing second date I recently had. It’s a jaw dropper. Seriously. I had no idea from our pleasant first date that he was such an asshole.

We ended up at my house in the afternoon and he was killing a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc. By himself. And talking. About his first ex wife. And his second ex wife. And his last sex starved/ drama filled girlfriend. And how he asked his wife to HAVE SURGERY after having a baby and then they never had sex again. Shocker. And I’m nodding,  completely repulsed by his lack of character, counting the clock until he goes because I’ve got another second date at 7pm.

THEN. He said to me: “I’m having such a great time. It’s funny…I wasn’t sure we’d do a second date.” My ears pricked up. “DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?” he asked me, clearly intoxicated. I looked at him, dead eyed, and said:

“SURE.”

He then told me how he’d been concerned that I was very gregarious – hastening to add his Japanese ex-wife was very reserved, almost silent - and flippant. This is the man who could talk for the Olympics and cut me off every time I tried to talk about not him. And FLIPPANT? I was lighthearted, dammit! Get your adjectives straight. I just kept nodding and thinking: Keep digging your grave, buddy. I’ll be tweeting your every heinous word in less than 24. #whatafuckingidiot

Finally, he was at the door, putting his shoes on and he says to me:

“Don’t judge me on our THIRD DATE.”

You can’t make this shit up, I’m just saying.

What are your views on popular dating apps and sites such as Tinder?

It’s funny – I was just having a convo about this and my friend said Tinder is to online dating as FB was to MySpace. Great analogy. His point was it’s next gen and though it began as hook up site, now it’s seen as a legit way for couples to meet and get together.

I personally disliked how Tinder kept crashing my Android when I tried it a year and a half ago so I’ve avoided it ever since but I know everyone’s on it so by that very fact, it’s effective. EVERY free site is known as a hook up site but that doesn’t mean there aren’t real people looking for genuine connections on there. It’s like saying everyone at the bar is only there for one thing. Fair enough. But not necessarily true.

Whatever you use, it’s how you use it and who you are when you’re on it that’s important. The device is secondary. As a means to an end, Tinder is the go to app. I think use whatever works for you.

Does dating really change all that much after 50? 

Oh yeah. How can it not? We’ve lived a lifetime already, really. Gotten married, had kids, gotten divorced. Have careers, have cellulite, have an opinion. We’re no longer a desired demographic, to put it mildly. I feel as a 52 year old woman online, I’m like a roast pig at the POF vegan buffet, if I’m lucky to be seen at all.

Starting over again as single and dating after spending decades with one man is mind blowing. There’s all these stupid fucking rules and you wanna scream because honestly? So over being told what to do or how to be. You’re trying to find yourself again because who the fuck are you now? And then you’re trying to find a new partner which means having sex WITH A STRANGER. Holy shit! The practical and emotional logistics are never ending and exhausting.

Do you tell your kids you’re online? How many dates until you get naked? Is he on Viagra? Or antidepressants? Because that’s gonna make a difference. Hello. And you ask yourself, over and over again in the dark: Will anyone ever know me and love me again? Or will I die alone?

Yeah, dating over 50 is not for the faint of heart, let’s put it that way.

Name some blogs that you love:

I only read two blogs but I am rabid fans of both of them.

Flourish in Progress is Elizabeth J. Liu and she writes about her life experiences as a teen mother who lived a thug life and how she emerged from that downward spiral to own her own power and beauty and strength. She shares about her depression and anxiety, her sometimes mean streak and her love of rap music. She talks about how her daughter and her husband stand by her no matter the good and bad of her emotional landscape. She is also fucking hilarious. She doesn’t sugar coat herself at all. You take her as she is and she is literate and Gillette sharp and touches my heart with her authenticity.

The Bloggess is Jenny Lawson and she’s loopy and on her own planet which is of course Texas. You never know what she’s going to post about but it’s going to be offside and unique and she’ll often feature her cats which is always epic. She’s also very candid about her issues with depression and anxiety and reaches out to her readers on a regular basis. She’s just completely herself which I love and admire so much.