So. There’s this thing that exists that I refer to as “POF time” and I really first encountered it when Daniel came into the picture. It’s like dog years, the speed of light and the Ferris Bueller quote about life all rolled up into one online dating Lucy axiom. Ish. It is def one of those things no one tells anyone else about. There’s no warning when you create your profile and I’ve never read anything about it. For the love of God people - where's the goddamn dating manual??
What I’m telling you is POF moves pretty fucking fast. Everything can change up in a day which is like a week and a weekend like a month. An entire week? Dude. Don’t even. And yeah for sure, keep looking around because if you don’t, you probably won’t recognize any of the faces from the week before. A WEEK. You must be a high stakes gambler or really not give a shite.
Now, when we’re talking about moi, I get bored easily when I’m not legit dating someone. Like very ho hum pig’s bum or, even worse, bad bad choices at the boy buffet. Back then, that was pretty much what I did for fun on a weekend. It was like my wagon was on top of the glass display so my fall off was short and cushioned by all the iceberg “lettuce” and cheesy one liners. Lord oh lord.
So way back in my summer of POF love, I had begun dating B, just a coupla few times, when he went away for a weekend and I began messaging with Daniel. One human weekend, dude. That’s all it takes for a sea change to happen and suddenly Susan you’ve got that FWP of more than one on the hop. Ha! Dating like a bro #boom
Now, I’m not saying anything would have been different had B NOT gone away and I’d spent that weekend with him. I truly believe you meet who you’re supposed to meet period. Daniel made a big impact even though our connection was short; I’ll always be grateful he was in my life. And this was certainly not the last time there was a last minute, unexpected sub, oc. Name check Spanky for Ian the Indian.
I am saying it’s astonishing to me how the players come and the players go and it’s like there’s a timer everyone hears but no one KNOWS they’re hearing it. They. Just. Move. Like fucking square dancing in high school – the one where everyone in the gym goes around and switches partners every other turn. Omfg, I LOVED square dancing! Funny how it’s not the same feeling in online dating. Super fucking funny #not
Here’s the thing. I get that no one wants to lock down too quickly or get too serious too fast because…well, I don’t know that part but I finally finally realize that the term DATING means multiple until you have THE TALK to become exclusive or ( no longer ) single. I think.
However. Does POF time exist because there’s sooo many choices and no one wants to miss out on the “next best thing” so they don’t value the great thing they might have in hand? Hello. Like Ferris saying if you don’t pay attention, life will pass you by…But isn’t it inherent in the very model of having MILLIONS of fish available to you at the touch of a keyboard? And even if you’re killing it IRL with someone uber cool and so great, maybe she’s not the ONE one, you know? But how the fuck will you know if you don’t spend real world time finding out?
I get that if you’re just meeting and casually dating a few whatevers because no one stands out as spectacular and so you may as well have fun/ twirl them in and out, like hockey players or rotisserie chickens – you know, when they’re done like dinner . But fostering an authentic connection means stopping that weird POF clock and being willing to be genuine and open and real. And that shit right there? Is why online dating is the definition of being emotionally glib. Almost everyone, male or female, is fucking terrified of true intimacy because if they're really honest, if they REALLY allow themselves to care, they're afraid someone will use that to break them. But who wants to live like that?
So I guess what I’m trying to tell you is while POF time is a construct that everyone gets caught up in, at the same time you can step out of the fucking dating matrix at any moment. No red or blue pill necessary. All you need to do is be brave enough to recognize and reach out to a possible kindred soul and let go of the idea that you might be missing something or someone else. Stop being disco ball shiny and shallow and go way deep if you can. Be authentic and true to yourself and to someone else. Whatever the outcome, you will have spent your time wisely and it won’t be POF’s.
There is a thing that exists that I refer to as POF time but just because I know it exists doesn’t mean I run on it. Nor should you #justsaying
Have you encountered POF time? Or OKC or Zoosk time? Have you had a week where you started out with A, B, C and ended with X, Y, Z and you’re all like: wtf? Bring it on, girlies. I love knowing that shit.