What Playing the Low to No Stakes Game Taught Me

                        He can TOTALLY order a beer in a licensed establishment, like OK?

                        He can TOTALLY order a beer in a licensed establishment, like OK?

Now I'm going to reminisce more recently about my five month stint on a cougar site. Yup. I was that 52 year old woman on a date with a 21 year old cutie and we had no idea whether you noticed or not because we were too busy checking each other out while talking, talking, talking. And YUP, he was too young for me as I told him in my first reply but as he told me judging someone by their age is really a dickhead move so then we ended up meeting twice. And more.

But. That’s really neither here nor there. What I want to talk about is how I got to the place, internally, that took me BACK to that site and on that patio bench with my adorable soccer player externally. And on that bar stool with the 27 year old single dad.  And at that pool table with the 26 year old who actually didn’t throw the game I won. Yay! Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. And then what took me OFF again.

I was on Cougar Life – not a fabricated moniker dude, I’m sad to report – because I wanted to find a fwb for the summer and I wanted it to be with someone that I cared about but not CARED ABOUT. Someone so inappropriately aged there would be no misunderstanding on either side about anything long term. Someone very clearly present for only fun and games and I’m not talking Scrabble or Pictionary here. You know?

Anyway. It had been a little while since my last and longest post married relationship with Christopher ended, or more accurately, since I REALIZED it was over. Sigh. As I’ve mentioned before. Repeatedly. But. In a way it was actually helpful to be without him physically if not emotionally because by the time I clued in, I was already pretty much used to being single again. He was giving me the “frog gradually immersed in boiling water” long goodbye and oc, I fell for it. Crafty fucker.

I did, however, need to complete the recovery from him regardless. This is where CL came in. Ironically, I’d been on there when I first met Christopher on POF and my plan had been to date whoever came up first – a cub or a man #noseriously I’d deleted my account so I threw up another, basic but truthful profile and some sexy pics and waited for my young stud to come find me. How hard could it be? Hahahaha…

The thing is, the first time around, I never did find an ongoing FWB sitch though I had a fair share of messages, mostly from guys in their 20s. Seriously. That fucking did my head in for the longest time. But I wasn’t really ready to be all casual like and chill. Shocker. I was basically looking for the exact same chemistry and conversation on both sites, just with different outcome expectations. Do you need to ask how well THAT shit went down?

But the second time I was on CL I was a changed woman. Ish. I just wanted a guy I liked to hang out with, clothes on and off. The possession of a cut body was optional. But preferred. Hello. I was uber laissez faire and wanted to have a great summer with a lot of great sex if I could get it. Caring but not CARING. At. All.

And at the beginning, it appeared my luck had also changed. Hallefuckinglujah! My first guy was the aforementioned hot single dad and we had a great date. I thought. But I never heard back from him. So I had another date the next week. And the week after that and that and that. Then the Sahara hit. The dating drought. No matter where you are, there it goes. Who knew it was so fucking dependably portable over time and dating sites??

It was once again becoming increasingly difficult to find anyone I even wanted to meet, let alone see naked. On COUGAR LIFE. I kept meeting guys who were all sweet and lovely but mostly the mutual chemistry thing was just not happening. Cheese fucking Louise, it was frustrating.

However, while waiting for the cub that never came to stay, I was really benefiting from undercaring. It felt so liberating, so easy, so NOT ME. The tipping point was with that 32 year old I mentioned in my LMDLM review part 2. We were like seatmates on a plane for three hours. As it dive bombed, I did nothing to try and save it because why? He didn’t. And just like that, my much needed conversion from always trying to please to wanting to BE pleased began. On CL! Isn’t life the shit?

Finally, when the Irish 29 year old that I’d waited over three months to meet – verrryyy long story – kept bailing on me because of his broken heart – I was fucking done like dinner. It had become just as much work to NOT find a FWB as it had been to be on POF, my “relationship” place. #what

So I deleted my CL account, FWB less. Again. I’d gone in, a tad heart sore, looking for distraction. I came out, that much lighter and with a huge shift in the way I viewed dating and my own part in it, thereof. I used to take every little thing so fucking personally because I cared SO MUCH about every little fucking thing that meant really no thing whatsoever. No more.

Now I’m back on POF after a whole year off – GAH – and it’s been very easy - mostly - to take things and guys as they come and they go. It’s very easy for me to not care until I CARE. I’m both “don’t give a flying fuck” and much more focused at the same time. Though I've had temporary emotional setbacks - see my "...Sex Talk..." post - in general, I'm Lucying along and it’s all fun and games until someone gets serious. IF someone gets serious. That’s the life lesson and dating strategy I got from Cougar Life, kids. Fyi. FTW.

I don’t know that I’d recommend a CL vacay for everyone but only because it would make some of you veeerrryyy uncomfortable, like I was in the beginning. Oc, by the end I was like: "Are you legal in Canada AND the U.S.? All righty then!" And though I don't plan on ever being on that site again, I certainly have no regrets about the experiences I've already accrued.

Where are you on the scale of “Gross! He’s younger than my son!” to “age schmage – it’s just a fucking number, dude”? If you've got 'em, lets compare cub stories because here at Date with Lucy, shame is a four letter word.

#justsaying #OWNIT