I had a weird experience times two guys just recently and I feel like I wanna share it with y’all because that’s how I roll #obvs
Now, you know I’m over 50 years old so not only does that mean I’m right next to almost fucking ancient but it also signifies that I come from a more traditional dating era. For example, just using that word is very Jane Austen of me though let’s face it, I’m actually Bridget Jones all the fucking way.
So. When a man invites me out for a date, it means he’s planning to take care of the check. Period. Whether we’re out for a drink or a meal, if you’ve asked me, that’s my understanding. And since I’m off Cougar Life for good this time – pinky swear – and I’m not replying to any of the 30 and less year olds that keep messaging me on POF, my “relationship site” – what – I’m meeting men my own age ish and so they also would be very old school re:dating etiquette, yes? It’s a generational thing and no one’s a poverty stricken student anymore. Hello.
Note: All but one of my CL dates treated. Ha!
In all the years I’ve been doing this online gig, I can remember only a few guys that ever made a move otherwise or intimated it was an issue but my memory of them is crystal fucking clear.
The guy I mentioned in my "what to say on a first date" post whose wife left him for her female ESL student? When the check arrived, he looked at it and then said to me: “I’m leaving $40.00. You can leave the rest and the tip.” Just like that. No: “I’ll take care of it”. No: “Would you mind splitting the bill?” Just. Like. That.
Did his check attitude affect how I felt about him? I cannot tell a lie: DEF. Would I have accepted the second date he wanted had he paid for me? Probably not – he was work to talk to - but if the first impression I get of you, me and money is THAT, I’m not in your cheering section,dude. Just saying.
Another guy much later on asked me: “Would you like me to pay for your glass of wine?” like it was a trick question. I said: “Umm, yes?” This was after he asked for the check without telling me the date was done. And before he left me on the sidewalk outside in the freezing cold and dark to take transit home while he drove. But also before he contacted me again for a second date. And told me if I said no, I could send a check for the glass of wine.
Isn’t dating AMAHZING?
The thing is, I’m the furthest girl from a gold digger you can be. I’m not looking for a sugar daddy; I can take care of myself thank you very fucking much. More dates with me and I begin making dinners and taking turns treating because that's what two people do for each other.
I AM looking for evidence that the guy who’s taking me out for the very first time is at least serious enough and interested enough to want to pay for me. Does that make sense? Right or wrong, I want someone who wants to impress me. Paying the bill is just one small thing but it IS a marker. If you’re well able to pay for my drink but you’d rather we go halfsies AND YET you also would like to see me again to do splitsville again - honestly, that doesn’t turn on my dating light. Or anything else, if you get my drift.
So the two dudes.
Music Boy was the ex of someone I used to work with, a first if you can believe it. We met in my hood after a couple of texts that were kind of “off” and had a couple of drinks. When the bill came, he simply put his share down and said something to the server like: “Servers always have cash.” Referring to me. I was like: hmmmm…but paid my share. Oc. Saying good bye outside, he didn’t offer to walk me home TWO BLOCKS AWAY yet wanted to see me again. Since we did have shit to talk about and I wanted to see if he was Dutch through and through, I said yes. And the second date was same same. By then, I realized that not paying for me was just one of his several “off” elements and I didn’t accept date three.
Mr. YVR kept me waiting OVER AN HOUR because he was coming in from way the fuck middle of nowhere and I just didn’t know whether to stay or go so I ended up staying. When he finally arrived, I had to order lunch because I was starving and he ordered a juice. When that bill came, again this one only paid for his share. Even though I was only there BECAUSE OF HIM. And then I had to ask for a ride home!
Both guys ended up being just not cool and the Dutch option was a symptom of their: “Why would I have to pay for you to bask in my company?” kind of vibe. I’m not saying all Dutch men are like that but I am saying I’ve found my own excursions into Dutch territory to be neither enlightening nor worth the fucking view.
Does every date have to have a monetary transaction? Absolutely not. I’ve killed the promenade between Kits Beach and Granville Island in Vancouver more times than I can count and yet it’s still fucking gorgeous and free of charge.
Conversely, will you gain extra points for taking me somewhere exclusive with cache up the yin yang? Honestly, no. I just had a second date at Tojo’s, the most well known and expensive Japanese restaurant in the city. I have no idea what he spent because I refused to look at the prices. Was I impressed? Honestly, no. It’s the company I want to dazzle me, not the fucking menu. In this case, not so much.
I know not everyone agrees with me. My gfs Half Pint and Hanako are particularly and vehemently against being treated, saying they don’t need a man to pay for them nor do they want him to feel like he’s being used. On the other hand, Alex and Allison are like: “Yeah….no. It’s a bad sign. Move along.”
Now we’re all adults here, though oc some of us are def adultier than others #sonotme Whether you rock a more old school dating vibe or you’re all “I am woman”ing that check is up to you. I’m also saying we all have our litmus tests and after my experiences with Thing One and Thing Two, I’ve decided going Dutch once with me now means not going anywhere else with me ever again.
You know what they say: “Dutch me once…”
So, what’s the consensus, girls? Are you traditional or millennial when it comes time to pay the dating piper? In other words, are you pro Dutch or Dutch phobic? Sharing here at Date with Lucy means never having to worry about that shit. Or the tip #fyi
ps I know this post might piss some people off and that's ok. We all have our types...mine just don't speak Dutch.