So. Before I elaborate on my ongoing relationship with Edith, I’m going to wedge in Sean Henry. Though not in chronological order, emotionally this is where I divulge about a sacred contract I never even met who shifted my entire perspective of dating. Permanently.
Pre: Sean Henry, I had no conscious awareness of my true objective…well, besides more than six fucking dates with the same guy #gome Afterward, it was absolutely like opening a window where there was none before. Revelatory is not too strong a term. At. Fucking. All.
I got my first POF message from Sean Henry a year ago at the same time I was messaging/ actually meeting Climbing Boy, a future post of his own. The irony was that they were both tall, handsome Cancers – the sign of the fucking devil for me aka BMX thank you very much and no, I do not learn from experience – that’s why I write a fucking blog, dude.
“I think I may have found the perfect woman. For me. You are jaw droppingly beautiful, over the top funny and I believe we could be the next big thing.”
Now OC this is such a line but if it’s good looking dude throwing it out there, you’ve gotta at least tug on it, yes? because that’s the very definition of online dating. And though his profile pic was a weird pose with so much Sasquatch beard, he had others and #hewasfit
I replied: “Do tell. You’re very forthcoming with the compliments which is both lovely and suspect. I’m sure you say that to all the girls but I appreciate being on your list.”
He answered: “I’m not some smarmy used car salesman; I’m a genuine guy. I play on POF rarely. I like what I like and your profile just stands out to me far above anyone else’s.” Huh.
When I commented on the fearsomeness of his facial hair; he said: “Beards can be shaved. I have other pics” and he gave me his full name to check out his FB page. To this day, Sean Henry is the only guy to do that. I thought it to be a genuine gesture of his sincerity as well as hella trusting.
We messaged for a whole day and it was really lovely. His words just evoked a very organic response from me; I felt “pre” treasured. He seemed to be a cool guy who knew what he wanted and I appeared to be it. I know that sounds silly but at the same time, my profile is VERY me and I do get the uber particular man who absolutely knows I’m his type. I had no intimation that Sean Henry was any different. Fucking false intimacy.
He took his time to ask me out; I took him to task on it and we made plans for tea the next day. When I got off work, I texted him. He said: "I’m with my grandfather in the hospital right now; I have no idea how long I’ll be.” I was like: “Omigosh, np. Just let me know.” Aaannnddd Sean Henry over and out.
Two weeks later, I wrote:
“I know I’m mourning the IDEA of Sean Henry/ a man who really does think I may be the perfect woman for him. The man who's wildly attractive and who's wildly and only attracted to ME. The man who’s waiting for me to fall madly for him as he falls madly for me. The man who likes my personality above all and thinks I’m unique and very very beautiful. The IDEA of Sean Henry and all the things he wrote to me but obviously didn’t mean is still so very difficult to let go. WHY.
I’m so sad he really was a used car salesman.”
Sean Henry faux wooed me so completely in ONE DAY that I was gutted for like over a month. How is that possible? Because he was that good and I was that ready.
“I did everything right, pushing for an immediate meet and he said sooo beyond the right things and was so undaunted and so into the idea of the true me #sigh
I’m finally realizing I’ve never been actually ready or willing to fall in love/ expose all of myself until NOW because ALLTHISFUCKINGTIME the idea of falling in love really never fucking OCCURRED TO ME.”
Without going into detail, my meditation Work had always been the sticking point, the level at which most of my truest self would remain submerged and unknown. That was going to be my human lot and yeah #Igotit I thought it would be enough to love, not BE in love. That.
Then suddenly Susan for just a moment, Sean Henry became the representation of true love made manifest for ME, the one who had given up on it without even realizing. He dynamited open a door and fuck if it will close again.
“Once I allowed hope in, it will not stop with the fucking song and I’m covered with feathers and it fucking HURTS to be let down AGAIN but I choose to have it anyway #fuckit Nothing more human than hoping for true love to find you and stick like super glue, amiright?”
Now do you see why I have Sean Henry before my second Edith post? Because Edith and I HAVE GLUE and I’m not protecting myself from it, regardless of where or how we end up #scaryboo
If that were the last of from Sean Henry, it would been have a short but clear sacred contract and I would have remembered him as the car salesman that couldn’t. Unfortunately, there’s more than one post script.
ps My gf Myriam encouraged me to text him less than eight weeks later saying: "how are you?" He pretended to NOT KNOW WHO I WAS and when I reminded him he sent me this: ??
pps Months later, Sean Henry MESSAGED ME ON POF and pretended he wasn’t a fucking douche when I texted him. He said: "I’m sorry IF YOU TOOK IT THAT WAY. If you can forgive me, I’d really appreciate it."
I did give him a second chance because Sean Fucking Henry. We made plans to meet the next day AGAIN and THIS time, he accused me of lying on my profile to get out of it. SERIOUSLY. I said to him: “I’m not sure what I did to you that you would contact me twice and TWICE stand me up. Is it some fucking past life thing?” He sent me some stupid crooked mouth face in "reply".
ppps! Not fucking kidding you but still months later, he messaged me AGAIN. “Hey babe. What’s up?" then when I didn't respond: “Hmmmm”. After that I got a “You’re so juicy” and a “Yummm” and THAT’S when I blocked the motherfucker.
How Sean Henry went from a possibly great guy to be with to someone so slimy I couldn’t bear to see his messages anymore is a whole other story and it’s not one I'll be telling because who the fuck knows? Regardless, he’ll always be my gateway to love. Whether it ever comes to me and truly sticks, I have Sean Henry to thank for opening the door that had not even been there before so at least I got that going for me #whichisnice
Have you ever encountered a Sean Henry of your own aka the man who inadvertently helped you to love even though he didn’t love you…or even fucking show up? Please share that shit because could use the company. As per usual...