I must confess: I’ve dated some very handsome men. According to my gfs, they’re my type – tall, dark and Texas Ranger AF.
Climbing Boy was 6’4” and LOOKED like he scaled mountains barehanded all casual like for the latest North Face catalogue. Christopher could drop my panties with a glance; hanging onto his substantial muscles in bed made me all Swoozie Kurtz #likemeltedbutter And I code named my last guy TDH because looked like Ryan fucking Reynolds, straight up.
I honestly don’t know how I end up with any guy, whether Superman or Clark Kent, which is a whole other can of POF worms. However, while I'm just as willing as the next female human to peruse well created man flesh, dating someone solely because hot isn’t my MO. I care waaayyy too much about convo. And laughing. And honesty and kindness. You know – all the real under our physical facades.
But here’s my question to you: do you believe that it’s EITHER good looking OR good character?
Now think on it because this, to me, is a fascinating area of inquiry. Everyone’s got an opinion; there's none of that Joni Mitchell both sides now shit when it comes to the looks/ character correlation.
I once had a gf tell me definitively that it was absolutely writ in stone and that she always chose the brown paper packaging, presumably as a matter reflective of her own exceptional rectitude. Huh.
Unsurprisingly, most people in my unofficial polls agreed, falling on the “um yeah obvs” side. Hard. Meaning most people feel that the more conventionally handsome or beautiful you are, the less substantial you are most likely within. The assumption is: why would anyone bother developing a moral compass or a well of compassion when they’ve already won the genetics lottery?
The shallower the world, the more prized is the immediately evident bright and shiny. You get the football captain, the better job, the richer man. You’ve got hot girls sidling up 24/7 and Starbucks’ baristas putting hearts under your name – TDH true story. Of COURSE you’re going to be an asshole about it. Who fucking wouldn’t be?
I comprehend the basis of said generalization and of course, I’ve encountered it many times in its undiluted form. I’ve totally been blinded by beautiful while being dismissed with a single “not worthy…next” glance. Who hasn’t? However, I’ve also met some hella handsomes with stellar personalities that give zero fucks about their looks. Like fuck and all. IRL and POF. To tar them all with the “they look…therefore they are not…” brush seems to be a shame as well as needlessly depriving myself of eye candy that’s also emotionally nutritious, you know?
What I’m saying is if some hunk of manhood messages me, thinking I’M hubba hubba, and seems like a cool fucking dude, I’m totally going for it and not hold it against him. Hello.
My point is, while I get the good = bad assumption, it won’t be my default judgement in the dating arena or otherwise. Why? Well, first of all – good looking men are yummy. Secondly, my ugly duckling syndrome behooves me to never be particularly attached to how my own form is perceived. That means while compliments about my looks are always lovely, to me, inner beauty is where it’s fucking at. To be and to see. So. I choose to be drawn to substance and to a comely heart and soul, EVEN if it’s encased by a physically impressive book cover #yesimahumanitarian
Now, I’m not advocating for y’all throw a pity party for those poor gorgeous guys who are always taken at face value when they’re really the reincarnation of Ghandi or at least Einstein. I’m just saying consider giving them the same fair shake of the online dice as you would if they LOOKED like Ghandi. Or Einstein.
Now, if you were to encounter a glittering in the sun Edward, would you be Bella? For those unversed in Twilight speak, I mean would you run to or from blinding beauty? Disregarding the so done already vampire with a heart of gold plot device, oc.
Thank you as always for sharing. We at Lucy ie my two cats and me would love to know because nosy AF.
xo Lucy. And Bob. And Turtle.
ps I always use free and legal pics or those taken by myself. However, on a whim I looked for a pic of the real Ryan to see if I could find one that looked like “my” Ryan. The one I’m using from someone’s Pinterest board looks pretty much EXACTLY like TDH.
Like holy fucking shit, dude #blurgh
pps Please don't sue me, Ryan Reynolds. I live in Kits!